Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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