I just pynch a tree in the face
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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