i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
