I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I party with great urgency now.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
