I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
