Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
