There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
only you would photoshop your dick
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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