im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
