It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
He has the fingertips of a God
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