oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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