I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
