how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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