it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
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