She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
We need to get me chipped asap
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
