Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
