she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
