so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
