so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
