we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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