Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
