Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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