Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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