This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
