Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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