so that wasnt chicken after all
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
