I just saw a hot homeless man
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
