Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize