Don't you send me to vm
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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