What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
