You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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