I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
