I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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