i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
