If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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