i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I still have a little drunk in my system
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
