She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
