afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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