im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
