My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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