I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
