Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
