I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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