Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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