I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
whose parrot is this?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize