I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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