The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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