YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
