the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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