We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
