I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
