Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
