Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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