the condom got lost in my hair
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just had sex on a roof
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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