woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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