i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
