Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
