No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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