if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
