Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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