My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
