Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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