I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
