Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
