i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
