I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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