Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I puked a lego.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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