my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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