I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
