Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
