too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
