The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
