We're like a lot better than the average bears
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
