i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
