She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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