I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize