Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize