No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
